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i'm actually working in school now...um..snapes birthday last saturday..tidds this saturday...daniels the 28th...blink concert 29th...tj's birthday on the 2nd...good times...well mostly good times. and then there's the isu for english, the king arthur essay, the presentation, the big science group project, etc etc. plus all my normal loads of homework. and then exams. YAY =T fun fun fun for all. hahaha. back to my work. good day to you.

camp olympia was cool. school's cool. starting to work again. gotta pull up my english mark. been too lazy to blog. there hasnt really been much to blog about. umm. yes boyfriends good. everythings good. or so it seems. who knows. this is gay. good day to you.

olympia and then stupid jokes after the meetings. nothing new except maybe the jokes. those guys still make me laugh.

so much fun..AGAIN...let's do some math

the boys with their skateboards in school; mainly in the stairwells (how the hell do you climb stairs on a effin skateboard? i can barely keep my balance just standing on one of them)

plus

drinking smirnoff from two different water bottles

plus

a two liter bottle of coke

plus

nick and his friend WEED and brandon with the fumes from the weed

plus

cameras and a couple janitors

minus

teachers

plus

plenty of green day with the occasional pennywise or afi

equals

guys and their group hugs/orgies..plus me sitting there and laughing my ass off. afterschool times have been the most fucking fun ever. bus stop chilling with tj aswell. but yeah afterschool with nick brandon and tj are fucking hilarious.

early dismissal today..nothing really happened...umm..got home from interviews like..half an hour ago..that doesnt really matter to me either...school bores me. i could be doing so much better but i'm just not interested in it. but anyway. afterschool today brandon and nick were skateboarding in the school on all the stairs and in the green pit and everything which was cool..that's just like it now..chilling afterschool doing nothing and/or watching the boys skateboard. camp olympia meeting tomorrow. ruins my early dismissal but hey whatever more skateboarding in school and hours of lame dance rehearsals. yay. haha. ms austrich said we were'nt the "type" of people to go to camp olympia. she can suck my nonexistent dick. haha like honestly. cause she only knows brandon, and she doesnt like the rest of us because apparently we're like.."punks" or whatever. not actual punks. just like punks like asshole punks. hahaha which is true. but yknow. suck a dick and cry me a river.

yesterday was the first time in WEEKS i made it home before 5. if it wasnt squirrels house, it was tj's house, if it wasnt his house it was camp olympia, if it wasnt camp olympia it was math. and yes today again, camp olympia. umm..what's happened since the last time i blogged? a shitload of camp olympia. golden hammer for my report card (inside joke). on again/off again with tj. now currently on and extreeemely glad for that. carlys birthday thing at wheelies and snapes. nothing big really. todays meeting was cool thought cause it didnt start for a while and the whole time nick brandon tj and john were just skateboarding and john kept talking about all this funny shit and yeah. im bored now. so i'll just stop typing.

okay..so as i was sititng in my cousins house as all my family was socializing, i had time to myself to think...to put my life into persepective so to speak.

i've come to the realization that each and every single thing in my life is falling apart right in front of me...there's nothing stable in my life. everything i've ever thought was real or true in life turned out to be a big fat lie. it's like the world is laughing at me because i am scared and i am truly alone. i don't really have...well i dont know..i always like to put the blame on other people or reasons but i think it really is my fault that all the people i've cared about have either walked out of my life, or have been pushed out by yours truly.

i sat there thinking and all i wanted to do was cry. i'm soo seriously scared of life and what it holds for me and those i still actually care about right now...i'm sick of always running but i've never known any other way.

i'm not happy with where i am in life, i'm not proud of the things i've done and said. i'm simply right now, unhappy. everything is honestly falling apart and i'm too fucking scared to do anything but watch...i can barely even watch.

i need real love

and so my happy little relationship comes to an end?

they said he was a "keeper". and he promised me he'd never hurt me. so why am i giving it all up?

Nihilist Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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